BERRIEN SPRINGS, MI—The emaciated corpse of a thirty-four-year-old seminarian was found lying on the steps of the James White library yesterday afternoon. Student exiting the library saw him dragging himself towards the building when he stumbled and fell unconscious.
In the Seminary, students saw Martin Lee looking frantically for nourishment all throughout the Seminary building throughout the day. Toward the end, in desperation, he even approached the Dean’s Office in search of a vending machine, but left in disappointment when all he received was a lecture on the health message and how the Seminary could not support the installation of something contrary.
“We did, however, point him to the vending machines in the library and in the cafeteria, where anyone can easily obtain a snack,” said Dean’s Office Spokesman Arnold Grotter.
According to witnesses and detectives, Lee managed to stagger out of the Seminary and had made it halfway up the library steps before his body collapsed into shock and his heart stopped.
Lee was rushed to Lakeland Regional Medical Center, where he was pronounced dead on the spot. Initial autopsy results point toward starvation as being the cause. Doctors have noted the almost complete lack of adipose tissue and muscle fiber in his body. Lee is survived by his wife and newborn daughter.
The Dean’s Office declined to comment on whether Lee’s death would cause them to revise their policy on vending machines in the Seminary, releasing only a statement that the Seminary “will take up the matter as the Spirit leads.”
