BY MIK KIM
SEMINARY—Citing the exceptional results produced by a naturally conducive atmosphere in the Seminary’s required chapel attendance program, the Maharishi Foundation USA Monday accredited the Seventh-day Adventist Theological Seminary as an authorized instructional institution of the technique of Transcendental Mediation.
“We found that, at the Seminary, the vast majority of students graduate knowing how to send their attention to a less active, quieter style of mental functioning, thanks to the experience of sitting through required chapel services,” said Guru Boa, a spokesman for the Maharishi Foundation. “Transcendental meditation requires the use of sounds without meaning. Seminary students have learned that the rigid repetition of a staid worship service and the pedantic sermons serve very well as mantras to send their consciousness to a lower level of functioning.”
Seminary students expressed gratitude to the Foundation for the accreditation, calling it a fitting reward at the end of a long journey of understanding.
“I struggled with the Chapel program the first time I came here,” said Mark Tipper, a third-year seminarian. “My conscious was always too active, thinking thoughts like, Why, if the goal is for the Seminary to worship together, do they just have us sit down and listen to a standard, traditional worship service, same as every weekend? What spiritual benefit do they think we glean from this? But now I see the wisdom of it. I have, over time, naturally learned how to let my conscious sink to a lower plain of activity. Now, anytime there’s a church service, I slip right out to consciousness level four.”
The Seminary Dean’s Office has thus far declined to comment on the accreditation, and whether or not the required chapel program was indeed designed to teach meditative escape techniques to students. It has, however, released a statement saying that “the experiences of chapel will undoubtedly assist our graduates as they serve in church meetings and services.”
