BY EXACTLYWATT
BERRIEN SPRINGS—Barely one month after its spectacular introduction at the Extremist Adventist Fashion Show, upstart label Kill Spiritual Formation! is poised to overtake rival label Nuke La Sierra! as the clothing statement of choice for trendy extremist conservative Adventists.
According to industry analysts, Kill Spiritual Formation! has, in four weeks, achieved virtual parity with Nuke La Sierra! in terms of market share, as more and more trend-aware extremists abandon their old favorite in favor of the new, big, and more exciting trend.
Immediate hints of imminent success came at Kill Spiritual Formation!’s introduction at the Extremist Fashion Show. There, an electrified audience jumped to its feet and delivered a deafening ovation as five supermodels clad in slogan shirts that read, “Kill Spiritual Formation”, “Fear the Jesuit Invasion”, “Walshe and Dybdahl are Leading You Astray”, “Semantical Police”, and “We’re Not Judging, We Just Want To Help”, respectively, glided down the runway.
Fashion fans reacted passionately to what they believed was going to be the big extremist trend of 2011.
“Nothing this big has hit the extremist fashion world in two years!” exclaimed Brian Voorhes, who follows and blogs extremist trends. “Nuke La Sierra” was great, but that was ages ago. I was getting bored and going nuts, waiting for some creative designer to ignite a new style, to give me a new source of boldness and provocation to dress myself in. And whoo boy, did this show ever come through.”
Other extremists confirm feeling an overwhelming sense of excitement and pleasure upon viewing the raging new trend.
“[Designer] David Asscherick and other imitators did a great job with the Nuke La Sierra! line, but that was so 2009,” said Michelle Weda, another extremist fashion follower. “Good to know that there’s a fresh new extremist trend to see us through 2011.”
Perhaps the strongest boost to the Kill Spiritual Formation! label comes from General Conference President Ted Wilson, who is an open and avid fan of such trends. In the week following the label’s debut, Wilson expressed support and released a statement saying that he was eager to have yet another such label to wear. Indeed, it was Wilson who initiated the sustained applause at the appearance of the Kill Spiritual Formation! models.
With sales soaring and more and more extremists adopting the brand’s slogans, industry analysts predict that Kill Spiritual Formation! will be the most successful extremist trend of the year.
In other fashion news, the fashion labels Love Thy Neighbor and Work Out Your Own Salvation have pulled out of future extremist fashion shows. Reception at such shows to these timeless, sensible styles had been waning for decades. This year, the audience interpreted offerings by the two labels as a joke, and laughed the models off the stage.
