BY ONE FISH
RIVERSIDE, CA—Several weeks after chipping away at the levee containing Lake Conservatism, water broke through yesterday and virtually submerged and isolated La Sierra University, causing incalculable destruction and shutting down the school.
With La Sierra Hall inundated, the Pathway of the Just turned into a canal, and the Thaine B. Price Science Building overwhelmed, school officials fought a losing battle to keep the university operational. Meanwhile, the remaining state of Adventism was also awash under several feet of Lake Conservatism.
Rising water and widespread devastation by the cold, harsh and punishing Lake Conservatism hobbled recovery and rescue efforts, and authorities could only speculate at the death count in La Sierra University and moderates in Adventism. In the Adventist Capitol Building itself, the flood claimed the popular and reasonable president, Jan Paulsen.
“This looks like Katrina,” described a stunned Gary Larity, a former administrator in La Sierra.
President Paulsen signed the bill authorizing the levee to protect La Sierra and Adventism. The levee sheltered the school and most of Adventism for at least a decade ,but officials at La Sierra were unhappy since the levee was deemed to be an inconvenient obstruction rather than blessing. Furthermore, many seemed uncomfortable with the apparent tranquility the levee afforded. So two years ago, La Sierra hired EvolutionBuilders to drastically reshape the levee. What began as a measured process soon became an impatient and dangerous pounding into the levee that had been so carefully constructed.
Several school officials were unrepentant with the results.
“We don’t regret trying to realign the levee to accommodate our school. The levee was a barrier that didn’t allow our school to reach its full potential. We wanted to explore the space which we felt was rightfully ours,” said Jacob Wilson, chair of the building committee. “Besides, our professors and students should be free to explore the parameters of the school without being restricted by some stupid lake.”
Officials ignored ominous signs of the creaking levee as the frigid waters began making itself known, often spilling into the school as a reminder of its power, almost daring the lake to inundate the school.
President Paulsen paid a visit to the school and reminded school administrators that the levee was meant to shield the school from the ill-effects of Lake Conservatism. He discussed possible consequences of expanding their territory. But they were resolute in their attempts to force their agenda.
“Who was he to tell us how to run our school? We should be left to pursue our own goals and to make our own decisions. Paulsen should have dammed that lake rather than bother us,” said Wilson. “If you want a scapegoat, blame the lake!”
Many identified La Sierra however as culpable for the mess. “They were too liberal about their space and their interpretation of their rights. Don’t they realize they’ve not just brought this wave on themselves but on innocent people too?” denounced Dick Charles, resident of Adventism.
The resulting tragedy was so dire that moderates attempting to mobilize rescue and recovery efforts were thwarted by the loud din from the unrelenting and severe Conservative waters.
Shulhan Mukhtar, alumni of La Sierra, was saddened by his school’s actions. “The magnitude of this situation is just disheartening. To think that only several years ago, it was President Paulsen who built this levee to keep the baying waters of Conservatism away, only to be swept away because of the uncompromising ideologues at La Sierra. We can’t afford to lose moderates like him,” bemoaned Mukhtar.
Rescue officials estimate that it would be years before the waters from Lake Conservatism will be pumped out.
“It’s going to take years for our school and state to recover from this disaster. I don’t understand why they had to break this barrier all in one go? If only they had more patience, wisdom and willingness to listen, [La Sierra] wouldn’t have had to pay such a hefty price. And we wouldn’t have to suffer with them,” cried Jason Lee, one of many affected by the flood. “I hope this tragedy doesn’t take what’s left of us—our sanity.”
