BY TWO FISH
BERRIEN SPRINGS, MI—Students and faculty at the Seventh-day Adventist Theological Seminary are still reeling in awe and wonder over the sudden disappearance of Dr. Rodney Meyer, a professor from the Department of World Mission, who was abruptly caught away by the Holy Spirit and removed from Andrews University last week.
Dr. Meyer, who was responsible for students in three classes in the Seminary this fall semester, was caught away during the 13:30-15:20 session of his Christian Response to Human Needs class. Students in that class, who had assumed that he would be their professor for the rest of the semester, were shocked when he precipitously vanished before their startled eyes.
Eyewitness accounts of Dr. Meyer’s disappearance vary slightly. Some students reported hearing a sound like a mighty rushing wind before Dr. Meyer vanished. Others reported the appearance of a chariot of fire, and horses of fire, which parted them and Dr. Meyer asunder. Still others reported the appearance of a shining heavenly being in the guise of ADRA vice-chair Dr. Ellie Simon, who floated to Dr. Meyer with whispered murmurings of, “Rodney, come work for us at the General Conference.”
Students who reported hearing the sound like a rushing wind testified that they heard Dr. Meyer say, “That sounds like a hurricane or tornado. ADRA is going to need my help right now.” Students who reported the chariot and horses of fire later changed their account to say that it looked more like an ADRA tractor-trailer. Students who reported the appearance of ADRA vice-chair Dr. Ellie Simon added that Dr. Meyer said, “Yes Lord, thy servant cometh immediately,” before raising his hands toward the apparition and vanishing.
Despite variances, accounts are nearly unanimous regarding Dr. Meyer’s reaction.
“His face lit up, and he raised his hands to the heavens. You could see he was thinking great things. It seemed like he couldn’t even see the students, the other faculty, heck, the whole Seminary, anymore,” said Tammy Garcia, a student in the class.
Dr. Meyer’s disappearance leaves Seminary faculty and staff scrambling to cover the classes he was scheduled to teach for the full duration of the fall 2010 semester.
“We really did not see this coming,” said Arnold Grotter, a spokesman for the Dean’s office, who was featuring red eyes from a lack of sleep and red ears from the amount of calls he has made recently in attempt to come up with a contingency plan following the Holy Spirit’s intervention in Dr. Meyer’s life. “If he had just left because he wanted a bigger, more prestigious position, we’d think it’s pretty irresponsible of him to up and go in the middle of a semester. But who are we to question the will and wonder of God? I thank God daily that He manifested Himself in such a marvelous way in our building this week. He must have a higher calling for Dr. Meyer.”
At press time, rumors are circulating that Holy Spirit has transported Dr. Meyer to Silver Spring, Maryland. Witnesses report finding Dr. Meyer in the General Conference, serving as the newly elected president of ADRA International.
In unrelated news, the Andrews University Department of Public Safety is seeking leads in identifying the individual who graffitied the message, “So long, suckas,” on the mirrors in every male bathroom in the Seminary.
