BY L.M. MONTGOMERY
BERRIEN SPRINGS—After friends and family fed her prejudice about the perils of desperate, lurking seminarians, Janice Avery, an arriving freshman to Andrews University, made a solemn pact with herself that she wouldn’t date anyone in the Seminary. Avery, 18, took the task to heart, managing to avoid all seminarian contact during her first few weeks, until her decision to attend Fusion.
“I was mingling with my fellow music major friends at the foyer of HPAC when this tall, handsome, well-dressed male student approached us to talk to a guy in our group that he knew,” said Avery. “I was excited at the prospect of getting to know this fine specimen. But then he mentioned that he was a seminarian. And that’s when I realized that he was a creep. That he was actually coming on to me, even though he didn’t look at me, or speak to me, and simply spent his time catching up with a guy friend before moving on. I could tell that he was totally trying to pick me up. ME. A freshman.”
Her night was spoiled by another chance meeting with a seminarian who had stopped by to greet his sister.
“Before the program started, another good-looking guy came over to chat with his sister, who was standing within shouting distance of me. The whole time he was talking with her, he was exuding this vibe that reeked of desperation. I knew that the conversation was his ruse to get to me,” Avery continued.
“I’m convinced that the only reason why he talked to his sister was because he wanted to ask me out. Lucky for me I was standing too far away. If he had been facing me instead of his sister, I bet I could have heard him inquiring all sorts of details about me and if I was single or not, the loser!”
After that Fusion, Avery did her utmost to avoid the Seminary building and prayed that she wouldn’t run into the two Seminarians she saw at Fusion. Unfortunately, her efforts and prayers were in vain.
“I was walking to the cafeteria when I noticed a jogger with a familiar face coming down the sidewalk towards me. He waved at me and looked like he was trying to get my attention. I could totally tell by the way he moved his hand that he wanted to marry me. Well, I looked down and simply ignored his advances, even the quick Hello he said as he continued running past me. Ooh, I can’t believe he had the nerve to come on to me like that. I totally saw through him and knew that his real intention the whole time. He probably chose to jog that route so that he could run into me. Totally unoriginal,” fumed Avery.
The seminarian in question is twenty-five year old James Booker, The Soy Dog learned. Booker is a second-year seminarian. He expressed mystification when informed of Avery’s reactions to him, and was unable to recall who Janice Avery was until The Soy Dog presented a picture and the details of their first meeting at Fusion.
“What? Who is Janice Avery? Oh, yeah, she was that one girl in the group that Fred was standing in when I came to say Hi. I was talking to Fred the whole time. Don’t think I even looked at her. And I say Hi to everyone I pass when I jog. I’ve run that path for a year. Don’t even remember passing her. What? She thinks I’m trying to hit on her just because I’m a seminarian and she’s an undergrad? Her? Um, I may be a seminarian, but I do have standards.”
Avery is still convinced that every seminarian she talks to is interested to date her. She has decided to stop attending all campus events to avoid any contact with seminarians.
“I just want to focus on my classes and I can do without the distraction of seminarians coming on to me. If my social life has to take a hit, then so be it,” said Avery.
