RIVERSIDE, CA—La Sierra University collapsed in a matter of hours as conservative units marched swiftly through Riverwalk Parkway as marines toppled the Fountain of Grace statue and ransacked campus buildings.
After weeks of planning for the offensive, the 3rd Canale Infantry Division entered La Sierra in the early hours yesterday, October 22, 2050, and seized La Sierra Hall, the brain trust of the liberal theological department. Conservative units huddled up for a mass group prayer invoking God’s name to bring death to their liberal enemies.
President Tommy Wright-Wilson prepared for war by dispatching General Skeete to launch an internet propaganda campaign to woo students away from La Sierra before issuing an executive order to fire the first salvo at the university.
The invasion, codename “Operation La Sierra Freedom”, turned quickly into a violent hotbed as conservative divisions drove right through into the heart of La Sierra.
Conservative Marines first used their Creation10 tanks to topple the Statue of Grace as several students gleefully danced on top of the monument. Meanwhile, the Joint Special Conservative Operations Command went straight to the Thaine B. Price Science Complex to neutralize the school’s evolutionist arm. The elite team was only met with a group of beleaguered scientists who offered little resistance.
As the scientists of the liberal evolutionist movement were led away, conservatives immediately plundered the building and urinated on biology textbooks.
The 7th Pipim Expeditionary Unit overwhelmed La Sierra Hall in a matter of minutes and overcame the belligerent religion department through what General Skeete described as “organizational shock and awe”. The unit made sure to burn and trample “Thinking Theologically” and “Inspiration”, the literary cornerstone of the liberal movement.
Conservative troops also distributed “Hear We Stand” books to locals in an effort to win new converts.
La Sierra partisans whose lives were spared were marched single file to Pierce Street and ordered to pledge their loyalty to Creation, the Bible and Ellen White or risk being sent to Collegedale Bay, a detainment facility located in Tennessee.
The overwhelming and swift victory was credited with the strength of the conservative creed and unquestioning obedience to their commanders. There was no word yet on the fate of Fritz Guy’s loyalists who were specially targeted by conservative bombs
